Monday, December 19, 2005

How the Grinch Stole the Election

With Christmas fast approaching, here's a Christmas rhyme - apologies to Dr. Seuss.



They stared down at the polls
Tories covered their eyes!
Then they gasped!
What they saw was a shocking surprise!

Every poll from the pollsters, Leger to SES,
Had them losing! Despite this whole sponsorship mess!
They HADN'T stopped Dithers from winning,
HE LED!
Despite income trusts, he was back from the dead!

And then Harper, with his grinch-frown ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
We're down despite tax cuts! Big daycare checks!
Despite great photo ops and stylish turtle necks!"
He'd promised them change, to slice the GST.
But then Harper began to finally see
"Maybe Voters," he thought, "don't care about policy,
Maybes voters, perhaps, simply just don't like me!"

And what about Paulie?
Well, the PMO say
That Scott Reid's big ego
Grew three sizes that day!
In a move that could cripple this blowhard's career,
He started to muse about popcorn and beer.
So it's the gaffe prone Board, versus Harper the scary

So who?

WHO INDEED?

Which of these Grinches, will win in January?

31 Comments:

  • I wonder if this could possibly be? To see Paul Martin win victory... uh two? lol

    Very entertaining CG.

    By Blogger Paladiea, at 7:36 PM  

  • *cough*don't quit your day job*cough*

    D ;-)

    By Blogger daveberta, at 8:16 PM  

  • In Canada, we spell 'cheque' with a q, not with a k like our American cousins whom you Fibs seem to hate so much around election time.

    Be a good socialist and spell your words correctly.

    By Anonymous Donsky, at 9:05 PM  

  • The great Canadian dilemma:

    "Ummm...okay. If someone steals a bunch of your money...and then you catch them...

    And so...ummm...they give some of it back, and they say they're really, really sorry...

    Ummm...that's integrity, right?

    Right...???"

    Me thinks Dr. Seuss would have a best seller were he to use Canadian morality for a theme.

    By Anonymous springer, at 9:37 PM  

  • Hard policies designed to adress Quebec's needs thus reducing the impetus towards seperatism:

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20051219.weltories1219a/BNStory/specialDecision2006/

    or}

    Wagging a finger and "passionately" raising your voice at the seperatist leader who's rise to power was caused by the finger wagger's own party.

    On the 23rd it's your choice.

    By Anonymous Biff, at 10:02 PM  

  • Stolen from another site :

    A message for Canadians

    A young man named *** bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news...the donkey is on my truck, but he's dead."

    *** replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

    The farmer said, "I Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

    *** said, "OK then, just unload the donkey anyway".

    The farmer asked, "What are ya gonna do with him?"

    *** said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

    To which the farmer exclaimed, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

    But ***, with a big smile on his face, said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody that he's dead."

    A month later the farmer met up with *** and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

    *** said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $698.00."

    Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

    And *** replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his $2 back plus $200 extra, which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy."

    *** grew up and eventually became the PM of CA, and no matter how many times he (lied) misspoke himself or how much money he (stole) acquired or taxed away from CA voters, as long as he gave them back some of the (stolen) money, most of them thought he was a great guy.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:11 PM  

  • "Anonymous" conservatives try to convince the masses that Fiberal corruption should result in an automatic Conservative win.

    Been there, heard that.

    You guys just don't get it, do you?

    Do you think the masses are dumb enough to allow Harper to use Liberals mistakes to shoehorn in the CPC agenda?

    How many polls will it take for you to realize that your PLATFORM is not acceptable to the majority of Canadians?

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

    Despite EVERYTHING the liberals have done, your party still trails.

    Perhaps it is time to stop blaming others and look at your own faults?


    P.S

    CG, very nice.

    By Anonymous blah, at 12:45 AM  

  • Blah...

    No, I'm worried that the masses are morally bereft enough to re-elect a bunch of proven thieves.

    When a country can't figure out what to do about corruption, or even if it should do anything at all...

    Then we're one sorry-ass pathetic excuse for a country.

    Which is why, should the Liberals win on Jan. 23...

    I'll be washing my hands forever of federal politics, and joining the Western Canada Party on Jan. 24.

    To put it bluntly, who wants to be part of a country that happily elects thieving, lying crooks? Not this westerner. Not now. Not ever.

    By Anonymous springer, at 2:22 AM  

  • Springer,

    Got it, its not the Conservative's fault for their own predicament, it's the voters and Canadians in general who are 'morally bereft'.

    Nothing is ever the fault of CPC, its the Liberals or socialist or morally bankrupt Canadians.

    Gee with an attitude like that, you wonder why Harpers disparaging remarks about our Country are news, no matter how old they are. You wonder why the CPC has the "hidden agenda" meme.

    Tell me, why should Canadians elect a party to run the country that clearly doesn't like Canada or the voters.

    Stand up for Canada my ass.

    By Blogger Mike, at 8:47 AM  

  • Oh and BTW, why are yu so hot about federal corruption but say nothing about it when it is committed by King Ralph?

    Hypocrite.

    By Blogger Mike, at 8:49 AM  

  • Mike good points.

    Liberal corruption isn't the real issue here. The issue is Harper's and the CPC's agenda.

    I suspect posters like Springer are more interested in the implementation of some portion of the CPC agenda e.g. SSM changes, increased privatization of health care, etc. They are hoping to use Liberal corruption to essentially sneak in. When it doesn't work they blame others.

    Springer

    Threatening separation won't persuade many to vote for a platform they disagree with. I personally refuse to be terrorized by separatists of any strip.

    By Anonymous blah, at 9:49 AM  

  • Hey, I'm just telling you how it is, which is that on Jan. 24, should the Liberals win, entire regions of this country are going to turn into powder kegs.

    In particular, Quebec and Alberta. (I live in BC, BTW.)

    I'm hearing people who normally don't get excited about politics say that this is the final straw. That they've had it. And that separation is the only alternative left.

    When a nation has sunk so horribly low in self-esteem and moral backbone that it willingly accepts criminality in its government, then we are finished, done, all over but the crying...and damn well deserve to be.

    I've spent my entire adult life watching this crap get worse and worse and worse, never once imagining that it could get this unbelievably wretched as it has now. It defies all rationality.

    The crooks win on Jan. 23...

    On Jan. 24 the wheels fall off of Canada, and the final careen over the cliff becomes inescapable.

    Not my first choice.

    But I can easily live with an independant BC and/or Alberta. No problemo whatsoever.

    By Anonymous springer, at 11:13 AM  

  • Sorry I can't be bothered to use my name, but blah can't either.

    Point - on ssm the CPC has always put supported the use of the term civil unions vice marriage. Same as the law, basically, that just passed in the UK. I guess the parliment in the UK is stomping on basic human rights, in your eyes. Or in Paul Martin's eyes, bleary as they must be by now.

    Point - on privatized health care. Our health care spending has gone out of control over the last 5 years and all the Liberal party can do is through more money at the problem without actually thinking of anything new. I would be willing to take the chance that something be done, other then blindly mouthing "no private health care" over and over. Just think, if we keep it up our doctors can be paid as much as a Cuban doctor, the envy of the socialist world. I think I read that they make about $20.00 USD per month! But it is all free health care in Cuba!

    Finally on Liberal corruption. The Gomery Commission only touched on the tip of the iceberg. And still there was enough there to turn a "normal" Canadian stomach. Contrary to Liberal mythology it is not un-Canadian to dislike the Liberal party.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:42 AM  

  • I am with anonymous above. There gets to be a time where you have to ask what is so scary?
    The fact that a political party wants to respect ALL Canadians rights, or just a few? The fact that a group of people want to try to help Canada rather than pillage and profit from whatever they can get their hands on?

    The fact that the Liberals have slashed all money flowing to provinces, created the health care crisis, created another rise in seperatists sentiment, and all the while the best "excuse" I hear is SSM. (Or my favorite from just after the debate, Harper has scary hair)

    Grow up. This country will split apart at it's seams. This is insanity that a group of people can rape and pillage a country and people still defend them.

    You want to know why the younger generation has no faith in government or this country...Look around you. Why bother when they know there will not be anything left to defend by the time thy are able.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:28 PM  

  • Re your post from last spring the following caught my attention:

    "June 7: Paul Martin, falling in the polls, offers to turn over transport portfolio to the provinces. Cynics say it’s just an excuse to boot Jean Lapierre from Cabinet."

    Now there's an excellent idea give Jean Lapierre to the province. What Liberal leader in his right mind would appoint Lapierre as his Quebec lieutenant?

    By Blogger cardinal47, at 1:31 PM  

  • Whoa, hold on there fellas,

    If you think Manitoba is going to stay with a Statist, socialist, mired in corruption Canada, you can forget that. We're going with Alberta.

    BTW, Springer's sentiment is growing, big time. The only reason it hasn't blown already is that folks can't fathom that Ontario will vote in this corrupt government again. If they do, watch out. And this isn't a threat. It's simply reality.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:39 PM  

  • Sorry for all the grammar errors, I am a terrible proof reader.

    Anyways,

    I live in Western Canada, the only people that I ever hear threatening separation are hardcore conservatives. Many of them gripe about Liberal corruption just to put on a show. They have other reasons they want a change of government.

    I don’t see any reason why I should have to vote for the CPC if I fundamentally disagree with the party’s platform. Liberal corruption does not mean I should lose my voice in government.

    I have not met any western NDPer that has been for western succession. Most NDP and Liberal supporters I meet genuinely care about government corruption and sincerely wish a viable alternative to the Liberals was available.


    Springer

    So who is going to vote for western separation?

    Let’s assume that you can convince every western Canadian CPC voter to vote for separation. (We all know that is false and that most CPC supporters are loyal to Canada)

    Is the CPC polling greater than 50% in any province other than Alberta? CG do you know what CPC numbers are like in just Alberta?

    Despite everything the Liberals have messed up, you guys can’t even convince half the folk in the west to vote for the CPC. (CPC sits at 42%) How do you expect to convince them to vote for separation? Who do you think is going to vote for succession? Liberal and NDP supporters?

    Combined Liberal and NDP support is at 52% in Western Canada.

    Some of you guys need a reality check.

    Stop blaming others, and fix what is wrong with your party.

    By Anonymous blah, at 2:58 PM  

  • There's nothing wrong with the party, not one thing.

    And I wouldn't change the leadership for anything; Harper far and away is the singularly most gifted, intelligent, honest and capable man I have seen run for Prime Minister in my lifetime.

    He has only one problem: He's from Alberta...which, as we all inately understand, is the kiss of death in the east.

    That, IMHO, says it all about this country, certainly as much as I need to know. Makes me, a westerner, really feel included in Canada, eh?

    Whatever, we'll see how it washes out on Jan. 23, and then go from there.

    Bottom line, and push comes to shove, BC and Alberta need the rest of Canada like we need a boat anchor tied to our butts.

    Frankly, I rather relish the specter of Liberals buying votes out east minus the west's bank account to draw on as they have since forever. Sweeter justice there never could be.

    I remember WAC Bennett in an interview back in the late '60s, when questioned about equalization:

    "Ah, yes. That's where Bennett signs the cheques in British Columbia, and Smallwood cashes them in Newfoundland."

    40 years later, Klein is signing them now, and Campbell is trying to hide his because he knows what's coming next.

    Welcome to Canada, land of equality...a la Karl Marx.

    Big deal.

    By Anonymous springer, at 4:08 PM  

  • blah,

    you might want to check the demographic, but the west is full of "hard core conservatives" - certainly by the east's standards, that's the point.

    By "fixing the party" you mean "more liberal", more statist. That's not what the west wants. (Frankly I don't think that's what many in the East want - they've just been indoctrinated by the Libs media aided fear mongering.)

    You complete inability to appreciate this problem from anything other than a "be more like us" angle is the problem.

    BTW, Canada without the West's entrapenurial spirit, and conservative leanings to offset the socialist east, would likely be something of a cross between France and Cuba.

    Again, not a threat, just callin it like it is.

    Ever wonder why they almost never do any polls on Western Seperatism (the last, and only one was an eye popper)? Because it would highlight Martin's utter failure as the Defender of Canada.

    Alienating both the West and Quebec, to the point of seperatist furor. Martin has so much to be proud of.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:10 PM  

  • Going to copy this here because it's so brilliantly awesome and relevant, and thus merits a space in this thread. If someone is annoyed, they can delete it.
    ___________________________________

    December 18, 2005

    I AM Canadian

    While I am certainly irritated by Paul Martin’s anti-American posturing in the election campaign -- it is low, cheap, and vile -- it is not his most annoying, nor even his most cynical, strut. The attempts to cast Stephen Harper as a dark operator, and allege some fanciful “hidden agenda”, insults my intelligence a little more. Mr Harper leaves much for me to desire in a Conservative leader, but he is a decent, honest man. Mr Martin, of whom I once thought more highly, is not. It has become evident since the prime ministry came within his grasp, that he will say or do anything to clutch it. He now disgusts me; I think more than Jean Chrétien did, the petty thug who was our last Liberal prime minister.

    To be fair, Mr Martin and cronies have more reasons to cling, than the enjoyment of power itself. For if even a minority Conservative government can be formed, there may be three-party agreement to launch corruption inquiries that go far beyond the scope of the Gomery Commission. Billions upon billions are spent annually in other unaudited programmes, crying out for review. Remember this each time the Liberals sound desperate.

    Yet, the slanders against the U.S., and the Conservative opposition, are things that don’t touch me. They can defend themselves. Were people better informed, they might not feel the need. Take for instance the anti-American blather over the Kyoto protocol. Since 1990, “greenhouse gas” emissions have risen by 14 percent in the U.S., and by 25 percent in Canada. There are no legs on the horse Mr Martin has mounted. Or, the attempt to cast Mr Harper as a narrow religious bigot when he is, firstly, not especially religious, and secondly, timidly defending moral principles held by all the major religions in common.

    If the Liberals were not provided with a karaoke chamber by the Canadian media, they would be naked on stage. There would be nothing for people to look at except their record of criminal corruption, moral perversion, and catastrophic waste. Which is not to suggest any elaborate conspiracy, for the journalists here are like those in most other Western countries -- a class, sharing backgrounds and material interests, who hang out mostly with each other. They are united by a worldview, enforced by peer pressure. It just happens that this worldview is toxic.

    For contrast, consider the Alberta oil patch, which is staffed with another class, sharing a different worldview. You will find about as many liberal and socialist dissenters in the oil patch, as you will conservative dissenters in the media. It is how the world works: by peer pressure.

    Let them be them. What annoys me most about the Liberal campaign, may be summarized in the words, “Choose your Canada.” The insinuation of this slogan is that people not sleepwalking to the Liberal themes, are not really Canadian. Now, that I take personally.

    Younger readers -- as often as not, victims of a public education system in which history is not taught, and attitudinizing is -- are hardly even aware of the traditions and values of the Canada that was ploughed under the Liberal machine. What I’m about to say will shock them.

    I AM Canadian. This is something no Liberal government can take away. Yet, something they've been trying to take away for a long time. And which they now mock, and teach people to mock.

    I was born, in Toronto, of generations of Canadian parentage on both sides. A British subject: it was inscribed in my first passport, as the mark of my freedom. This was part of what being a Canadian entailed. I am not English, not Scottish, not Irish, not Welsh, but Canadian, and therefore as British as the rest. The Liberals took that away -- the inscription in my passport -- by a parliamentary trick. They took away the proud title of the Dominion of Canada, by another trick. They've stripped my Queen off public walls, by administrative orders; they've covered the lion and unicorn with their paper maple leaves; and that before turning the moral order akimbo. They speak as if my very loyalty to the Canadian order in which I was born, removes me from participation in their "new Canada". Notwithstanding: Civis Britannicus sum.

    They have created fake, paper-thin values for a fake country -- a country they made up to replace a real one. (“Multiculturalism” -- what’s that?) They have zombified much of the population, buying people off with their own money; made free men and women into dependents of the state. But I remain, while I live, a British subject, and a Christian citizen of the Dominion of Canada. For they cannot take away what I am.

    Let them spew their collectivist slogans. This is my country, and I want it back.

    David Warren

    © Ottawa Citizen

    By Anonymous springer, at 6:49 PM  

  • Blah,

    "I don’t see any reason why I should have to vote for the CPC if I fundamentally disagree with the party’s platform. Liberal corruption does not mean I should lose my voice in government."

    Liberal corruption is WHY you should lose your voice in government. Blindly following a party, while loyal, is having a bad effect on our democracy. History is filled with examples of people like yourself who have been willing to 'overlook' injustice only to regret it much later. Taking a stand against government malfeasance should not be a partisan matter, it should be a matter of good citizenship. Corruption is a disease and should Canadians elect the Liberal Party (regardless of the policies of the opposition - we're not talking Pol Pot here) implicit in that election will be that we are okay with corruption - it's a slippery slope that people should think about carefully.

    By Anonymous Gunter, at 6:59 PM  

  • ok Gunter, I'll bite.

    I am looking for a fiscally moderate to conservative political party that is socially liberal.

    Issues that matter to me are:

    - direct government support of R&D, with an emphasis on improving the productivity of Canadian manufacturers.
    - elimination income trusts or at the very least taxing them alot more.
    - non participation in BMD.
    - non participation in the Iraq war.
    - deficit reduction.
    - income tax reduction.
    - gun control, especially in major urban centres.
    - a moderate increase in military spending with an emphasis on protecting Canadian sovereignty in the arctic (instead of GWOT) .
    - Allow SSM while protecting the rights of people(churches) who disagree with SSM.

    I will admit I don’t agree with LPC on all these issues. Infact they flip-flop on some of these issues.

    Give me an honest answer, who should I vote for?

    By Anonymous blah, at 8:24 PM  

  • Sorry, I ment to type "debt reduction" instead of "deficit reduction".

    By Anonymous blah, at 8:29 PM  

  • Blah...

    I guess that's your dilemma.

    Me?

    When someone lies to me, or steals from me...

    Nothing else they have to say matters.

    They are, after all, liars and/or theives.

    When Canadians willingly and knowingly entrust the very reins of government...the singularly most powerful and critically important institution in the entire country...to proven thieves and liars...

    What does that say about Canadians?

    Or, to put a finer edge on it...

    How the hell does anyone say to their kids, "Be honest, work hard, and have respect for other people"...

    And then in the next moment say, "Now if you'll excuse us, Mommy and Daddy have to go and vote for the Liberals."

    Canadians bitch like hell that all politicians are crooks...

    And then in the next breath advocate voting for proven crooks.

    Whatever Harper is...

    He is NOT a proven crook.

    Nor, institutionally speaking, is the CPC proven to be involved in criminal activities.

    You know what?

    This ain't freakin' rocket science.

    By Anonymous springer, at 9:33 PM  

  • Sure it is, it's not like the CPC has done any better in the face of scandal... Like the Grewal incident. I'm still waiting for an apology from them for the blatant editing of tapes in order to smear the Liberals and recommendation on how this should never happen again.

    By Blogger Paladiea, at 12:40 AM  

  • Paul Martin isn't a proven crook either Springer, or he'd be in jail right now.

    By Blogger Paladiea, at 12:40 AM  

  • Blah - sorry to take so long getting back to you. If none of the other party platforms appeal to you then I suggest you exercise your democratic right by spoiling your ballot - it is an arguably forlorn way to express your dissatisfaction with the party options you have, but it will be recorded. If I were a Liberal, uncomfortable with corruption but unhappy with the alternatives, then this would be my choice.

    By Anonymous Gunter, at 11:58 AM  

  • Gunter

    At the very least, thanks for the honest answer.

    By Anonymous blah, at 1:36 PM  

  • Blah - my pleasure.

    Out of curiosity, do you see spoling your ballot as an option? I'm presuming you are as offended as anyone else by what has transpired in the sponsorship scandal. Despite the rhetoric concerning Gomery's lukewarm absolution of Martin don't you think that this might possibly be a 'good' election for the Liberals to lose? A chance to regroup and rebuild with little threat of a Conservative majority might be just what the doctor ordered.

    By Anonymous Gunter, at 3:18 PM  

  • Gunther

    I will not be spoiling my ballot nor returning it in protest. (By the way it is better to register a protest vote by returning the ballot unmarked than spoiling the ballot)

    I have done a bit of research on each of the candidate in my riding, including calling their campaign offices and reading their blogs.

    I plan on voting for a particular candidate that best represents my views.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:30 AM  

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