Wednesday, December 10, 2008

How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament

A guest post by John Lang (with one or two minor tweaks of my own, I couldn't resist making).

How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament

Every MP on the Hill liked Voting a lot…

But the Grinch, who lived just north of the Hill, did NOT!

The Grinch hated Voting! The whole Voting season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be his new sweater vest was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that his caucus was twelve seats too small.

But, whatever the reason, his caucus or vest,
He stood on Voting eve, thumping his chest.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in the town.
For he knew every MP on the Hill beneath
Was busy now, preparing a victory wreath.

“And they’ve finished their plot!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Next Monday’s the vote! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Monday from coming!”

For, next week he knew all MP girls and boys would wake bright and early.
They’d rush for the hill!
And then! Oh, the noise!
Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated!

And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Each MP on the Hill, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, Peace Tower bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand.
And end his power clinging!

They’d vote! And they’d vote!
And they’d VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
And the more the Grinch thought of this confidence measure,
The more the Grinch thought, “This, I must try to censure!”
“Why, for three-years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I must stop Monday from coming!… But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed full of gall.
And he strolled through the snow over to Rideau Hall.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
"I’ll prorogue this House, and I’ll prorogue it quick!"

"All I need is a reason..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since reasons are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reason, I'll create one instead!"
So he ran some commercials, like a good politician,
And blamed the whole thing on that darn coalition...


  • Does that mean by the end of the story, the grinch's caucus will grow three sizes? Not an encouraging thought.

    By Blogger Don, at 11:59 PM  

  • Every MP on the Hill liked Voting a lot…

    Except for the Liberals, whose votes were naught.

    For they fretted that issues caused Canada great pain,

    But lacked the spine to do more than abstain.

    That's all they did, again and again.

    They could have raised their hands to be counted,

    But chose instead to refrain.

    Oh well.

    By Blogger Bo Green, at 12:03 AM  

  • Like you voted for your new leader?

    By Anonymous Adam East, at 12:18 AM  

  • I enjoyed that thanks ;)

    By OpenID nostevie, at 12:23 AM  

  • Stephan Harper asked Iggy for a meeting before the next budget. Perhaps, Iggy will be bareback riding him?

    It's amazing. Iggy is now the man who holds the keys to power. Why wasn't stephane dion that man?

    By Blogger JimTan, at 1:28 AM  

  • just what the world needed, unsafe sex references from jimtan right before Day Without a Gay day, and right after AIDS day

    By Anonymous tom cruise, at 2:08 AM  

  • Judging by how small a man he is, Harper is going to need an awful lot of Viagra to make his caucus grow any bigger.

    Although, he does seem to suffer from some caucus envy doesn't he? Always keeping his caucus out of the view of strangers - just in case someone takes a measure of what it's worth.

    You know Harper was the kid with the mullet driving the Trans Am. Big engine. Big hair. Small caucus?

    By Blogger WesternGrit, at 4:51 AM  

  • Hello world - Ignatieff is INTERIM leader.

    I think on second look at the situation, having Ignatieff gives the Party breathing room to deal with democratic reforms, etc.

    I think it's actually a bonus for the Party.

    You know what kind of people (JimTan) make nasty deameaning remarks? JEALOUS people.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:34 AM  

  • I love this post, snicker....excellent. Will there be more verses?

    By Blogger Aurelia, at 8:51 AM  

  • I don't think the Liberals are in any position to give anyone lectures about allowing votes for a long time...

    By Anonymous CW, at 9:15 AM  

  • M.Iggy will be voting with Harper for the foreseeable future.

    The Libs don't have a hope with another lecturing/hectoring professor.

    By Blogger art, at 10:13 AM  

  • Great Post CalGrit. LOL. Very creative.

    By Anonymous Rob C, at 10:55 AM  

  • Irony knows no bounds. Who did not like the voting season past or present? The G-G has a list and she's checking it twice.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:12 AM  

  • Great post. And great reply from Bo Green.

    By Anonymous Albertan, at 11:39 AM  

  • The Liberals value voting so much,
    They want to protect it from the common touch

    "To Hell with the little people, we have a coup to mount!
    So they handed the party over to The Count.

    The GG only confers with the first minister,
    But Iggy was planning something sinister.

    "To Hell with damned protocol!"
    He dashed off a letter to Rideau Hall.

    "Give me what I want, or I unleash this fella!"
    Enclosed was a picture of Warren Kinsella.

    King Trudeau had written never trust the seperatist,
    But now it had come to this.

    Liberal values were now for sale
    On an unprecedented scale.

    Again ride the magic gravy train, all Grits has to do
    Was hand the kingdom over to the BQ.

    The wise GG decided to call an election
    And allow the people to make a selection.

    So the Grinch and the Count will fight for the gold,
    The rest of this story is still to be told.

    By Blogger nuna d. above, at 1:37 PM  

  • Still a lot of energy being expended over losing all of FIVE sitting days in the House. And it's not as if the items which died on the Order Paper will take a long time to re-introduce.

    By Blogger paul.obeda@, at 5:39 PM  

  • enjoy the recess

    By Blogger art, at 6:30 PM  

  • Instant classic, Dan/John. Perfect.

    It's not just voting and democracy that Harper doesn't like. At his direction, Parliament has not sat fully since May 2008 and won't until the end of January, the better part of year.

    As Paul Wells puts it in another brilliant rant, "Stephen Harper spent his whole adult life complaining that the state was no good for anything. Now, under him, it is so. Consistency at last."

    By Blogger Ted, at 10:13 PM  

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