"You were the minister of the environment and you tried to be very sexy when you were there"

Ralph Klein guest hosted The House last weekend and it was a memorable appearance (how could Ralph on the CBC be anything but?). Sure, it was cheesy and Ralph's journalist skills seem to have rusted a bit since he left the biz 28 years ago but there were some great moments:

1. A cameo appearance by Mike Harris who quipped "blame it on me, everybody else in Ontario does".

2. Ralph complaining about his pink CBC hat because "I consider pink to be a commie colour".

3. A chummy interview with Ralph's "second favourite Prime Minister" Jean Chretien where the two old hacks reminisce about politics ("we had a big fight you and I") and talk nuclear power, climate change (Ralph is still skeptical about the science), the economy and just about everything else. Jean tossed out the story about Ralph saying he would have run for the Liberals in Calgary had Chretien beat Turner in '84, which certainly would have changed the course of Alberta politics during the 90s.

So, yeah, lots of fun from two political pros who always got along well, even when they were using each other as political straw men.

(hat tip: Dave and Dan)

"By now, we've got to get used to Ralphisms"

Just when you thought the guy was gone for good, Ralph Klein in back in the news:

However, Klein said Sunday that people misheard him during his heavily improvised three-minute speech. He had actually been speaking about a protected parks area near Rocky Mountain House from which a documentary film crew was banned. As premier, he intervened.

"I recall my executive assistant coming to me and saying, 'You know, the natives have been drinking there for years and years there, why can't we shoot a film there,'" he told the crowd, according a recording by CHUM-TV.

Ralph, however, has come up with a very reasonable defense:

Former premier Ralph Klein firmly denied reports he slurred natives at an awards banquet this weekend, insisting he had referred to people drinking water, not alcohol.

Ahhh...that explains it.

He also took the opportunity to explain his famous BSE flap when he said ranchers should "shoot, shovel and shut up", by saying he meant "ranchers should shoot...movies. Near where those natives drink...water."

King Ralph

Reading through Kevin Taft's book last week, I got to thinking about all the great Ralph Klein moments Albertans have had the misfortune of enjoying over the years. And since I was too wrapped up in leadership to honour him when he flew off into the sunset in December, I feel it's time to take a moment and give Ralph his due. So, I am very pleased to announce the first two inductions into the Calgary Grit Hall of Fame. This Hall of Fame will honour individuals who have provided myself, and other bloggers, bushells of material over the years. Joining Ralph will be Jean Lapierre, who I already paid tribute to last month.

So, in honour of Ralph's induction, I am very pleased to list my all-time top 10 favourite Ralph Klein moments:


10. Saying Goodbye: Ralph reflected on his time as Premier this fall: "You get a lot of free dinners, but after that you get sort of tired [of being Premier], especially when you quit drinking and then it's no fun at all. I don't know why they would want to do it other than the power and the glory I guess and the free dinners and the very few perks that go along with it.""

9. With Friends Like These: Ralph Klein muses about private health care in the dying days of the 2004 election, helping Paul Martin crawl to victory.

8. One Final Flight: Notorious for using the government jet for partisan purposes, Klein flew from Calgary to Edmonton and back again, on the government dime, to say 11 words at the PC leadership convention.

7. Just Shut Up! Following the mad cow scare, Klein told farmers that they should just "shoot, shovel, and shut up" if they found other cases of BSE.

6. He Did Wander Aimlessly: There are so many great Ralph Klein quotes to choose from, but I did enjoy it when he compared himself to Jesus Christ. I also particularly enjoyed it when he called MacKenzie King a pervert, said Bob Rae was a dumb politician, predicted Harper's loss in 2006, and blamed dinosaur farts for causing global warming.

5. AISH: When greeted by protesters on AISH disability insurance during the last campaign, Klein yelled back that "severely normal people" don't want to talk about AISH. He later said that the protested "didn't look handicapped".

4. Liar, Liar: The moment a lot of people began to think Ralph had lost it, occurred in a public accounts review when Laurie Blakeman asked Klein to provide receipts from trips he'd written off as government expenses. He proceeded to lash out at her over a dozen times with "You don't believe me? You don't trust me? You're calling me a liar? You're calling me a liar?".

3. Throw the book at them: Then there was the time Ralph Klein threw a book at a 17 year old girl. It's exactly how it sounds, so I don't think I need to elaborate or add commentary to this one.

2. Helping the Homeless: After having a few drinks, Ralph instructed his driver to pull into a homeless shelter in Edmonton where he proceeded to berate the residents, scream at them to get jobs, and throw money at them.

1. Ralph's Essay: This one comes in number one, just because it's so unbelievably weird that if you saw it on a TV show like the West Wing, you'd roll your eyes and say it was too unrealistic, even for TV.

The whole thing started in 2004, when Klein was asked about public car insurance and responded by musing that Pinochet was "forced to mount a coup". He then tabled an essay he'd written as part of a correspondence course he was taking. However, it turns out he'd plagiarized massive parts of the essay. Ooops!