'Twas the Night Before Recess
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House
No spin could be heard, not a rant, not a grouse.
The doors had been locked, no lightbulbs were burning.
In the hopes that this might stop John Baird from returning.
The MPs were nestled as snug as could be
And having their best sleep since last week’s QP.
When out on the Hill came a noise loud and scary
Like a thunderstorm clap or a speech by Don Cherry.
Police and Saint Nicholas were deep in discussion.
Seems Peter MacKay mistook Santa for Russians.
“The CF-18s – send them up,” he decreed.
And that’s how eight tiny reindeer became three.
Saint Nick tried explaining the Christmas occasion
But to Vic Toews it sounded more like home invasion.
Fantino frisked Santa in case he was packing
Tom Flanagan eagerly called for his whacking.
All the kids were in tears, all the towns were displeased
No presents were found under Canada’s trees
When what to our wondering eyes should appear
But the PM in the sleigh he just commandeered.
He spoke not a word – but ran ads on all stations
That a phony coalition would be our damnation.
He had make-up and hair that were expensively styled
And he called out ‘Majority” just to make himself smile.
Our deficit, he warned, grows larger each day
But these toys will sure help when they’re sold on eBay
We’ll cut corporate taxes – for the rich more to make
And have a jolly old laugh down by my fake lake.
But the children turned angry and turned angry quick
So Harper gave each kid a G20 glow stick.
When that didn’t work he sprang to his sleigh
And flew off in great haste to prorogue Christmas Day
And if you're in the mood for more Christmas poetry, feel free to read "How the Grinch Prorogued Parliament", from two years ago.