Thursday, November 17, 2005

Elections? We Don't Need No Stinking Elections!

For the second time, our sources in the PMO have leaked Paul's Sunday radio address to the nation. I've re-transcribed it here:


"My fellow Canadians,

Brr...it's cold outside. And if you think it's cold now, just wait until February. I know I'll want to spend my February curled up on the couch watching Olympic Ice Dancing with Sheila, not fear mongering against Stephen Harper door to door.

Polls have consistently shown that Canadians do not want a winter election and I have never been one to disagree with polls. Because of this, I will not be recognizing the NDP motion for a February election. I refuse to play politics when this government has such a full agenda to implement (pause for laughter).

But seriously. I have also been looking over the calendar and I have decided I will not be calling an election 30 days after Judge Gomery's first report as originally promised. This would lead us to an Easter campaign that would certainly offend Christians. A delay to June was considered but this would conflict with Father's Day. Speaking of which, did I mention that I used to come to Parliament Hill when my dad was an MP? He was a great Cabinet Minister who cared deeply for Canada. Je t'aime papa. (wipe a single tear from right eye here)

But I digress. No one wants to go to the polls during the summer or when school is starting in the fall. After that, we're into Yom Kippur. And since winter pretty much runs from October to April in Canada and Canadians do not want a winter election, those months are out.

There is really only one alternative; we will not have an election while I remain Prime Minister. The June 2004 election was the most important ever and, because of this, I believe its results should stand. Let me be perfectly clear: I am not canceling elections forever, only for my duration as Prime Minister. I am fully committed to a return to elections once my successor is chosen, especially if that successor is John Manley or Martin Cauchon.

I came to Ottawa promising to cure the democratic deficit come hell or high water. The largest abuses of democracy occur during elections. Therefore, I cannot think of a better way to fight the democratic deficit than to cease the holding of elections. Only by ending elections will we truly cease the playing of political games that plague our democracy.

Thank you. And enjoy your Sunday."

9 Comments:

  • I hate to ruin a good joke, but Paul Martin actually gave this speech, almost exactly, at the Press Gallery Dinner last month.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:26 PM  

  • man the third paragraph was the best especially about his dad, that is hilarious man, wipe the tear and je t'aime papa, thats funny man I love your jokes, if I relieved my identity many would know me, I am not that popular but I'd say some will .

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:32 PM  

  • Yeah, I caught his speech from back then. Hat tip to Paul...and to the "other" Paul for his post on election holiday conflicts.

    By Blogger calgarygrit, at 4:47 PM  

  • Good cheap shot at the Prime Minister.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:56 PM  

  • BUUUH-UUUURRRRNNNN!!!

    Ha ha ha, that was scathing.

    Although maybe it was a little too easy on ol' Jr. - he didn't even stutter once! No Porky Pig Junior...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:24 PM  

  • Anon; This is just the text of the address (with stage directions). I can't comment on Paul's delivery - we'll have to wait for Sunday for that.

    By Blogger calgarygrit, at 9:45 PM  

  • Very funny!
    However, Paul is NOT a fool. For all his protesting, I feel that all Liberals (especially the PM and his groupies) are ready to rumble. Bring on the election...let the 13 Conservative "Focus on the Family" candidates start campaigning...Let Ralph Klein deliver his off-the-cuff comments about the Canada Health Act and how he will ignore it ('cause he can!)...
    I'm even looking forward to an election, and if we were all honest, most everyone reading this is too..whichever party you support!
    Monte Solberg, my MP, will spend most of the election in Regina campaigning on behalf of Ralph Goodale's opponent...it was -29 degrees there yesterday, serves Monte right!

    By Anonymous Fran Irwin, at 10:51 PM  

  • Too bad that speech is probably true. And too bad Canadians are not agitating for a much needed election.

    By Blogger JBG, at 8:06 PM  

  • In my opinion everyone may browse on this.

    By Anonymous туры в барселоне, at 12:45 PM  

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