Elections? We Don't Need No Stinking Elections!

For the second time, our sources in the PMO have leaked Paul's Sunday radio address to the nation. I've re-transcribed it here:


"My fellow Canadians,

Brr...it's cold outside. And if you think it's cold now, just wait until February. I know I'll want to spend my February curled up on the couch watching Olympic Ice Dancing with Sheila, not fear mongering against Stephen Harper door to door.

Polls have consistently shown that Canadians do not want a winter election and I have never been one to disagree with polls. Because of this, I will not be recognizing the NDP motion for a February election. I refuse to play politics when this government has such a full agenda to implement (pause for laughter).

But seriously. I have also been looking over the calendar and I have decided I will not be calling an election 30 days after Judge Gomery's first report as originally promised. This would lead us to an Easter campaign that would certainly offend Christians. A delay to June was considered but this would conflict with Father's Day. Speaking of which, did I mention that I used to come to Parliament Hill when my dad was an MP? He was a great Cabinet Minister who cared deeply for Canada. Je t'aime papa. (wipe a single tear from right eye here)

But I digress. No one wants to go to the polls during the summer or when school is starting in the fall. After that, we're into Yom Kippur. And since winter pretty much runs from October to April in Canada and Canadians do not want a winter election, those months are out.

There is really only one alternative; we will not have an election while I remain Prime Minister. The June 2004 election was the most important ever and, because of this, I believe its results should stand. Let me be perfectly clear: I am not canceling elections forever, only for my duration as Prime Minister. I am fully committed to a return to elections once my successor is chosen, especially if that successor is John Manley or Martin Cauchon.

I came to Ottawa promising to cure the democratic deficit come hell or high water. The largest abuses of democracy occur during elections. Therefore, I cannot think of a better way to fight the democratic deficit than to cease the holding of elections. Only by ending elections will we truly cease the playing of political games that plague our democracy.

Thank you. And enjoy your Sunday."