Glad As Hell Tour '05
This summer we will witness Stephen Harper's transformation from a cold-hearted, scary fanatic with a hidden agenda to Steve, the lovable canuck who ladies want to dance with and men love to crack open a cold one and talk hockey with. As a special service, Calgary Grit will be keeping tabs on Harper's summer makeover so that Canadian voters can judge his worthiness as Prime Minister on such important factors as how frugal he is with mustard.
Every stop on the BBQ circuit will feature a recap and Harper's ranking on the human index; a scale ingeniously devised by myself where I determine how human he looked at the stop.
And, of course, I invite readers to send in pictures, news stories and fun personal anecdotes from your summer encounters with Harper (they don't even have to be true! Just like Stephen trusts Gurmant, I trust my readers). And slogans! Send me your slogans! I've settled on "Glad as Hell Tour" until something better comes along.
And, without further adieu, here's stop 1 on the Glad As Hell Tour!!!!!
July 4th, 2005
Location: Stellarton, Nova Scotia
Positives: Did not randomly break into the Star Spangled Banner, despite fourth of July celebrations
Negatives: Missed opportunity to visit Peter MacKay's potato farm and dog
Human Index: Johnny 5 - He's somewhat lovable and good intentioned but we all know he's still a robot
UPDATE: For those asking about the Human Index so that they can rate Harper themselves, here is the full scale:
1. 100% Human
2. Dick Cheney (we think he's human...but are we sure?)
3. Data (Looks human, tries to be human, is just an emotions chip away from the real thing)
4. Agent Smith (Looks human but is still a cold hearted killing machine)
5. Johnny 5 (Wants to be human, but it's abundantly clear he isn't)
6. Michael Jackson
7. Klingon
Every stop on the BBQ circuit will feature a recap and Harper's ranking on the human index; a scale ingeniously devised by myself where I determine how human he looked at the stop.
And, of course, I invite readers to send in pictures, news stories and fun personal anecdotes from your summer encounters with Harper (they don't even have to be true! Just like Stephen trusts Gurmant, I trust my readers). And slogans! Send me your slogans! I've settled on "Glad as Hell Tour" until something better comes along.
And, without further adieu, here's stop 1 on the Glad As Hell Tour!!!!!
July 4th, 2005
Location: Stellarton, Nova Scotia
Positives: Did not randomly break into the Star Spangled Banner, despite fourth of July celebrations
Negatives: Missed opportunity to visit Peter MacKay's potato farm and dog
Human Index: Johnny 5 - He's somewhat lovable and good intentioned but we all know he's still a robot
UPDATE: For those asking about the Human Index so that they can rate Harper themselves, here is the full scale:
1. 100% Human
2. Dick Cheney (we think he's human...but are we sure?)
3. Data (Looks human, tries to be human, is just an emotions chip away from the real thing)
4. Agent Smith (Looks human but is still a cold hearted killing machine)
5. Johnny 5 (Wants to be human, but it's abundantly clear he isn't)
6. Michael Jackson
7. Klingon
posted by calgarygrit at
1:55 p.m.
12 Comments:
wow. 5, eh? His apron is pulled up WAY to high...
By
daveberta, at 1:57 p.m.
You should publish the entire index so we can also rank him.
By
Anonymous, at 2:19 p.m.
Johnny 5.. that's cute. :)
What's the next step up from Johnny 5? E.T.?
By
Michael Fox, at 2:46 p.m.
A friend of mine met Mr. Harper on the streets of Calgary yesterday and was able to stop and chat with him for a while. They talked Stampede, apparently. He was apparently quite "human" at the time :P
By
Andrew, at 2:59 p.m.
No, still a robot. This week he's programmed to talk stampede.
By
Manatee, at 4:16 p.m.
Nice to see you following Stephen's Tour so closely. The more people talk about him, the more Canadians will actually want to learn about him - from actual sources.
Keep up the good work. Every little bit helps.
By
WE Speak, at 7:53 p.m.
"Shouldn't he be lounging on a foreign cruise ship in the carribean somewhere, thats the real mark of a countries leader"
You mean, sort of like Ezra Levant, Lorne Gunter, Andrew Coyne, Colby Cosh, et al on the Western Standard Winter Cruise?
By
Ted Betts, at 5:49 p.m.
CG, as for slogans: how about "Dammit, I'm Happypolooza Festival"?
By
Ted Betts, at 5:50 p.m.
BTW, wrt to the "Hidden Agenda". I originally made this for the MSM, but it'll do for you guys as well. Wouldn't want you to look too hard searching.
HAH!
You can also find it @ Bound by Gravity - Right hand sidebar - red lettering - Hidden Agenda
By
WE Speak, at 1:23 a.m.
"You mean, sort of like Ezra Levant, Lorne Gunter, Andrew Coyne, Colby Cosh, et al on the Western Standard Winter Cruise?"
None of those people are running to be Prime Minister.
By
Anonymous, at 5:31 p.m.
re: "none of those people are running to be Prime Minister" - neither is Harper. Oh wait! He thinks he is? If he thinks that he actually has a shot at being PM, after all of his mess-ups, then that could only be a result of another Liberal conspiracy.
If you asked Grits who they would most like to face in the next election, Harper would get a +90% rating. He's more popular with Grits than Tories, for God's sake.
I say that we should all let him think he's running for PM. The shocked look on his face on election eve - the second time in less than two years - will be priceless.
He is about as electable as Johnny 5.
By
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