Our New Overloards

The new Rhinocerous government's throne speech was read today and it was...about what you'd expect. James Bow has all the other news from their first days in office, while Chucker Canuck speculates on the Tory leadership race, after Harper's resignation and James Moore being named interim leader.

I heard from a friend who works (or...I guess "worked") in the OLO's office that President Bush called Prime Minister Salmi this morning (my guess is he called him "salami", but that's just speculation on my part) and the media scribes have already started speculating about which of the traditional rhino policies will be implemented. Among some of the most "interesting" policy directions our country could be heading in:

-paving Manitoba to make the world's largest parking lot
-building taller schools to provide higher education
-building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians can coast from coast to coast.
-making all sidewalks out of rubber to prevent inebriated people from hurting themselves when they fall down
-responding to the energy crisis, reducing energy costs for transportation by moving the cities of Montréal 50 km west and Toronto 50 km east
-end crime by abolishing all laws
-adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last,
-making Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water,

Election Night Live Blogging

With a lot of Canadians restless and a rare August vote, the results of tonight's vote are certainly up in the air. Safe to say, we're in for a third straight minority government but, despite the latest polls, I think Dion might be able to surprise a few people and eek it out if the undecideds break his way. James Bow is live blogging the results tonight, while Chucker and Saskboy weighed in with their thoughts earlier today.

6:00 pm: I voted today and made a few phone calls to help get out the vote but, let's face it, despite what happened provincially this spring, this is still Harper country. Rather than go to one of the "victory parties" I decided to come home early, crack open the beer and popcorn, and watch the results courtesy of the good people at CTV.

6:11 pm: Libs up 3 seats to 2. Wohoo! We're number 1! We're number 1!

6:15 pm: There's an "other" on the board. I guess this is probably a Green seat since I imagine Lizzie May will win tonight after McKay's sexist slip-up during the campaign.

6:21 pm: OK, now there's a Green and an "other". Did Natural Law make a comeback? NDP also have their first seat up on the scoreboard. I bet 20 bucks at the start of the campaign that the Dippers would win less seats than Canada took medals in Beijing so I'm hoping Jack's team prove to be bigger chokers than our track and field boys.

6:24 pm: Lib 8 Con 3 NDP 3 Green 1 Others 3. Three others? Am I watching an episode of Lost or something? Don't trust them Jack!

6:27 pm: The Duffster has come on and explained that the others are all Rhino seats, all three of them in PEI. Must be something in the potatoes...

6:47 pm: With over half the polls about to close, the Maritime numbers have the Liberals at 12 seats, the Rhinos at 10, the Tories at 5, the NDP at 4, and the Greens at 1. Reminds me a bit of '97, when the Maritimes voted en masse for Jean Charest out of protest. And given the state of the PC party in '97, I guess that's comparable to going Rhino. Definitely not a good sign for Harper...although one wonders what happens if the Rhinos find two more seats and get official party status? It would make QP a real zoo. (zing!)

7:02 pm: Quebec through Sask have just closed - I must say, I'm curious to see how they go since Atlantic Canadians gave a big thumbs down to both Harper and Dion. Who can blame them - these guys are both so boring I found myself switching over to synchronized swimming a few times during the debates. Hell, these guys were both so boring, I wasn't even ashamed to admit I'd switched over to synchronized swimming.

7:09 pm: Results are starting to flow in. Layton down, Trudeau and Dion up, but it's still early. The Rhino total is now up to 14 which is...troubling. I mean, a few Rhino seats was kind of funny - in the same way Stockwell Day's time as Alliance leader was kind of funny. A lot of Rhino seats is more like a Stockwell Day as Prime Minister scenario...god, we could be the Daily Show punchline for the next four years!

7:23 pm: Rhinos have now pulled into the lead. Rhi 30, Lib 28, CPC 19, BQ 14, NDP 4, Green 1. Ken Dryden has been declared defeated and, true to form, is making comparisons to game 1 of the Summit Series. Layton, Duceppe, and Dion are on in dog fights in their home ridings. I've flipped between networks so this isn't just Duffy going off the deep end...this is for real. Unreal.
Oh, and 10 bucks to whoever can actually name the leader of the Rhinocerous Party - do they even have a leader? Or does a Rhinocerous become our Prime Minister if they win? Oh well, can't be worse than Harper.

7:35 pm: Chucker points out that this means, at the very least, 1.5 million a year in taxpayer dollars to the Rhinos. This from a party with a less credible platform than the NDP. James Bow is equally confused and reports that Ignatieff has been defeated, although CTV hasn't called that one yet. Either way, a lot of people will be losing sleep over the results tonight.

7:52 pm: CTV has declared Bob Rae, Martha Hall Findlay, and Justin Trudeau elected...Dion's seat is still too close to call. Duceppe and Layton have both been declared defeated although, the way things are going, they might be happy to be out of politics. CTV and CBC have both projected a Rhino minority but...with Alberta and BC still to come, I wouldn't be so sure about that. CPC could easily pick up 50 seats there which would leave them with a minority...under 100 seats, but a win nevertheless. Good luck building a coalition either way!

8:20 pm: Aberta results are rolling in and Rob Anders appears to be going down in defeat! Hallelujiah! The Rhino stampede has slowed at the rockies, with the Rhinos leading in four Alberta seats and the NDP picking up Strathcona in a bizarre four way split. Looks like Harper will win his seat though...one presumes him and Dion will stay on given the instability of the next Parliament. Rhinos are now up comfortable 135 to 65 for the Tories and will obviously win and should pick up a majority if BC comes through for them. Unreal. Popular vote has the Tories and Liberals at record lows - under 25% each.

8:53 pm: A few recounts are still needed but it looks like...I can barely even type it...the Rhinos have won a majority government. The media are frantically searching for Rhino HQ where Brian Salmi is set to speak. Will he accept the title of PM, or simply have his party resign their seats, knowing this was a joke that went a bit too far? Who knows - we're in uncharted waters now.
RHI 160, CON 69, LIB 41, BQ 19, NDP 17, GRN 2

10:04 pm: Just finished watching all the speeches. It was hard for all the leaders, Rhinos included, to hide their shock. Harper, Layton, and Dion have all resigned, which means I'll have a lot to post about in the coming year. Given the instability of the rhinos, it may have been a rash overreaction on their parts. Regardless, I'm starting the "Draft Morton" movement for CPC leadership today! Duceppe has also announced his resignation but I think we need to wait 24 hours or so to see if it sticks. As for *gulp* Prime Minister Salmi, he's announced he'll form a majority government. My, oh my. James Bow has the full recap of the weird events of this evening.

That's it for me tonight. Excuse while I go convert all my currency into US dollars.