The Art of Text Message Seduction, by Adam Giambrone
1. Always text! It is the best way 4 U 2 get ur message across. Whether you're telling your girlfriend about your other girlfriend ("You know I will be announcing I have a partner. It is someone named Sarah who I've been involved with in the past") or telling her why she's important to you ("I still think of you when I need ... um ... stimulation") - a text is perfect for any occasion!
2. Women like being used as campaign props. There is no greater compliment you can give a woman than letting her know you're dating her because "I had to have someone political".
3. Rather than buying your mistress a birthday gift, let her know "a long, long time ago about the (TTC) fare hike". Think of all the money she'll save stockpiling tokens in advance!
4. Show a woman how important she is to you - even after you tell her you can't be seen in public together, all will be forgiven when you text her "I still think of you when I need ... um ... stimulation". Other great compliments include: "I like you because you're smart and interesting. You're also good-looking naked."
5. Make it clear where you stand. Your live in girlfriend will appreciate your honesty when you text your other girlfriend: "I am NOT marrying (Sarah)".
6. Be sure to psych yourself up so that you are "ready" for any big date by doing push-ups and jumping jacks in your suit, and talking to yourself in the mirror. You'll appear that much more confident.
OK, OK. Now that we've had our fun with Giambrone, what does it all mean? Personally, I'm torn. I question the wisdom of anyone who thinks David Miller "is like a god", but I do appreciate Giambrone's use of proper grammar in most of his text messages.
Still, when the main knock on the guy is that he's too immature to be mayor, this is more than a sex scandal. This campaign could be over by the time the snow melts.
UPDATE: Quite a bit before the snow melts, it turns out. Giambrone quits the race, leaving a huge hole on the left.
Labels: Adam Giambrone