I've been talking to a few of my Tory friends and have managed to get my hands on a few of the policy resolutions that will be debated this weekend in Montreal:
Be it Resolved that Party debt will be financed by selling TV rights to the reality TV event of the year – the Belinda Stronach-Peter MacKay wedding.
Be it Resolved that all future party name changes be forced to remain in effect for at least 2 years.
Be it Resolved that no one in this party ever again mention the word “abortion”, in any context, for any reason, no matter what argument they are trying to make.
Be it Resolved that all future CPC press releases refer to the Prime Minister as the Right Honourable Mr.Dithers.
Be it Resolved that God repay us for our support of the traditional definition of marriage by giving us some miracle…like a seat or two in Quebec.
Be it Resolved that Bernard Lord stop kicking himself for not running for CPC leadership a year ago.
Be it Resolved that Stephen Harper get some charisma…and we’re not asking for much here – John Manley charisma or Herb Grey charisma would be enough.
Be it Resolved that the government pay to spruce up Stornaway…we might be there a while.