Friday, February 24, 2006

Our Olympic Champions

While Canadians have picked up Golds, Silvers, and Bronzes, those three medals alone cannot fully recognize all of the achievements at these Olympic games. So it is with great pleasure that I present a series of other awards to the Olympians:

The "Victory March Down Central Alberta" Award: This award is presented for downright stupid showboating, in honour of Harper's final weekend "Victory March" to close out the 2004 campaign. I am very pleased to award this trophy to Lindsey Jacobellis of the United States.

The "David Herle Campaigner" Award: Given to the group running an Olympic campaign where absolutely nothing goes right. This one, of course, goes to the Men's Hockey Team.

The Scott Reid "Beer and Popcorn" Bowl: For boneheaded comments. This year it is awarded to Team Sweden Coach Bengt-Ake Gustafsson for suggesting his team throw their final round robin game.

The Monte Solberg Massacre Trophy: In honour of his 70%+ margin of victory, this trophy is given to someone who "runs up the score" to a ghastly level. The Canadian Women's Hockey team are worthy winners this year.

The "NDP is Sick" Award: Is given to the sport whose very existence should be questioned. I'm pleased to award this one to Nordic Combined which combines ski jumping and cross country skiing. I look forward to the hockey-curling combined event at the 2010 Olympics...

The Robert Borden Enfranchisement Trophy: Just as giving women the vote helped Robert Borden win the 1917 election, this award is given to new sports that were created seemingly just to give Canada more medals. This year, the award goes to the "Team Pursuit" in speed-skating, where Canada won a pair of Silvers.

The David Emerson Patriot Plaque: Is presented to the Olympian flying the best "flag of convenience" (formerly known as the "CSL Plaque"). This one goes to Canadian-turned-Aussie Dale Begg-Smith.

The "We Won the 2004 Election" Cup: In honour of the Liberal campaign which felt salvaging a minority win in 2004 was an epic victory. This year, our female curlers get both this trophy along with their bronze medals.


  • Hey CG - speaking of Olympic champions, why is it that NBC snagged some of Canada's brightest and best of our ex-athletes, while the CBC(English) continues to prop up the old relics(one broadcasting from downtown Toronto)? CBC English pales even in comparison to CBC French. CBC English coverage of the Olympics needs a drastic make-over and a transfusion of talent!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:35 a.m.  

  • good point -

    "in desperate need of a drastic make-over and a transfusion of talent."

    Why don't we call it the "dying regime of circa 2003 cabinet leftovers" award?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:36 a.m.  

  • Awesome post, CG. You've ended my week with a smile.


    By Blogger Ted Betts, at 12:53 p.m.  

  • You got also nominate that insanely hot figure skater, Tanith Belbin, who skated for the U.S. for your Emerson award.

    By Blogger Michael Fox, at 1:07 p.m.  

  • Or, for that matter, Lascelles Brown, the bobsledder.

    Unless you want to give him the Scott Brison award for "guy who isn't outrageous because he switched to our team".

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:14 p.m.  

  • Could that be called the Belinda award too, Craig?

    By Blogger Michael Fox, at 5:26 p.m.  

  • How well do you curl when you've got the explosive shits?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:31 a.m.  

  • I think a better Idea for a combined sport is ski jumping and biathlon. Hitting moving targets is a much more impressive feat, but I guess it better be a team sport as there will likely be some attrition.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:22 a.m.  

  • es - ski jumping and biathlon! Wy shoot stationary targets when your opponents are flying through air. I love it!

    By Blogger Mark, at 10:19 a.m.  

  • The National Press, misinformation and miss the point award,[ one large bag of used kitty liier], goes to our inbred MSM.

    Our Left dominated press wetting their pants about print or not to print Muhammad related cartoons.

    The real story is that it is a well ochestrated Jihadist plot to create mayhem and disrupt the advance of peace and democracy in Afghanistan and Iraq.

    There is no *loss of freedom of the press*!

    There is a temporary delay on Muhammad related cartooning. That is only ONE topic among millions.

    A delay is called for in order not to feed the mayhem they count on to disrupt the advance of peace and democracy in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    Hammas has been doing the same disruption with Israel for over 32 years.

    The MSM failed to come clean about the *Fear Harper propaganda trick too!* Worked wonders on Canadian voters. returned 103 seats instead of the expected 55 to 65 seats.

    The MSM seems to be something of an enemy to Canadians at times. TG

    By Blogger TonyGuitar, at 2:26 p.m.  

  • Hockey-Curling ? Imagine trying to pass a 42 pound puck. Imagine trying to say that fast.

    By Blogger Government Funded Blogger, at 7:19 p.m.  

  • Hockey-Curling ? Imagine trying to pass a 42 pound puck. Imagine trying to say that fast.

    By Blogger Government Funded Blogger, at 7:21 p.m.  

  • Brison did'nt switch teams he still a flaming mo.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:28 p.m.  

  • For all those suffering men*s hockey depression...
    This would likely never be allowed to happen in any fudamentalist run country. Enjoy.TG


    By Blogger TonyGuitar, at 1:31 p.m.  

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