Our Olympic Champions
The "Victory March Down Central Alberta" Award: This award is presented for downright stupid showboating, in honour of Harper's final weekend "Victory March" to close out the 2004 campaign. I am very pleased to award this trophy to Lindsey Jacobellis of the United States.
The "David Herle Campaigner" Award: Given to the group running an Olympic campaign where absolutely nothing goes right. This one, of course, goes to the Men's Hockey Team.
The Scott Reid "Beer and Popcorn" Bowl: For boneheaded comments. This year it is awarded to Team Sweden Coach Bengt-Ake Gustafsson for suggesting his team throw their final round robin game.
The Monte Solberg Massacre Trophy: In honour of his 70%+ margin of victory, this trophy is given to someone who "runs up the score" to a ghastly level. The Canadian Women's Hockey team are worthy winners this year.
The "NDP is Sick" Award: Is given to the sport whose very existence should be questioned. I'm pleased to award this one to Nordic Combined which combines ski jumping and cross country skiing. I look forward to the hockey-curling combined event at the 2010 Olympics...
The Robert Borden Enfranchisement Trophy: Just as giving women the vote helped Robert Borden win the 1917 election, this award is given to new sports that were created seemingly just to give Canada more medals. This year, the award goes to the "Team Pursuit" in speed-skating, where Canada won a pair of Silvers.
The David Emerson Patriot Plaque: Is presented to the Olympian flying the best "flag of convenience" (formerly known as the "CSL Plaque"). This one goes to Canadian-turned-Aussie Dale Begg-Smith.
The "We Won the 2004 Election" Cup: In honour of the Liberal campaign which felt salvaging a minority win in 2004 was an epic victory. This year, our female curlers get both this trophy along with their bronze medals.