Monday, March 28, 2011

Job Opening

The above is a now-pulled Craigslist ad, looking for right-wing blog trolls. Among the job qualifications, they want someone able to "make up facts" and deliver "personal insults". Presumably, if you're really good at this, you eventually get promoted to the Tory war room.

The job application calls for a "100 word post" in response to a headline "Ignatieff Promises No Coalition After Election".

So here's what I propose. I invite anyone interested in this job to leave a troll rant on the above topic in the comments section below. Having run a Liberal blog for 7 years, I consider myself a bit of an expert on trolling, so I'll judge the best troll post. The winner gets a reference letter from me, which I'll forward on to Tory HQ.

With that, I leave you with some advice, to help you write your submissions:

1. As mentioned in the application, simply make up facts or quotes if you can't find real ones to support your argument. For example, did you know that Michael Ignatieff once said "the only good thing about Canada are the high taxes"?

2. You sound more convincing if you pass yourself off as a former Liberal who has grown disillusioned with Michael Ignatieff's leadership: "I've voted Liberal my entire life, and have a tatoo of Pierre Trudeau on my left butt cheek. But even I'm worried about this coalition."

3. Remember, AdScam trumps everything! "Sure, Stephen Harper ran over a toddler yesterday, but at least he's not as corrupt as the Lieberals were with the Sponsorship Scandal!"

4. Use hyperbole to make a point: "Ignatieff's so bad, I'm wishing we had Stephane Dion back as leader!"


  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger Gerald, at 7:57 PM  

  • As a former Liberal Prime Minster, I can honestly say that I have never been more ashamed of this party. I don't know what Mackenzie did to it, but I'm assuming that the communists must have infiltrated or something. Just like what happened in Russia or something.

    In any case, I will reluctantly throw my support behind Stephen Harper, who in no way is paying me for a free lunch per message I deliver to each and every single Lib blog, in order to harass and badger them in an attempt to break their spirits.

    Also, Iggy is so bad, I wish that we could drag Mackenzie Bowell out of his grave, reanimate him and have him leader.

    While I'm being completely honest here and in now way making up falsehoods, I must admit that I inspired the Harry Potter books, time traveled to the ancient worlds and shot JFK.

    I feel so much better right now.

    By Anonymous Sir Wilfrid L, at 8:00 PM  

  • I'm a lifelong New Democrat.

    Michael Ignatieff scares the bejeebus out of me. He's been out of the country for 165% of his adult life and doesn't understand Canadian families and supports the gun registry and is a secret muslim working to impose sharia law on our teenage daughters and retroactive abortions for white women and isn't a Christian and will raise taxes and supports the gun registry and will take away your guns and freedom. I don't like it, but I HAVE TO VOTE FOR STEPHEN HARPER TO STOP MICHAEL IGNATIEFF. SORRY JACK, IGNATIEFF WAS BORN IN KENYA AND MUST BE STOPPED.

    By Blogger CfSR, at 8:34 PM  

  • I didn't write it but this piece of shit appeared on Dailykos today:

    What do you think? Troll?


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:57 PM  

  • It's tough to take anything Iggy takes seriously. He complains about Afghan detainees, but we know he approves of torture. He complains about buying jets, but I happen to know he's travelling on a jet right now! And worst of all, he complains about Bev Oda's editing, yet I can assure you that as an America-loving Harvard intellectual, he edited student papers all the time without apology. How can we trust anything out of this habitual liar's mouth?

    By Blogger Don, at 9:02 PM  

  • I am a lifelong... (okay, well almost lifelong) Liberal, who truly believes in the values of our party: screwing Alberta, high taxes, bloated government and ruining the economy - heck, I've even ran the odd province into the ground in my day.

    But as much as I cherish the values of our party, I cannot stomach the thought of Prime Minister Ignatieff. Michael Ignatieff doesn't just support torture, he inflicts it on others. If you had ever had to clean his GOD DAMN hair out of the GOD DAMN shower you would know what I mean.

    It is also an undeniable fact that the man hates this country. I mean I was a freakin' Rhodes scholar, I could have gone whoring around the globe like Michael, but I came back to this frigid hellhole. Not that you ingrates ever did anything for me. 20 god damn percent of the vote? You'll get yours Ontario, trust me.

    By Anonymous B. Rae... no wait Bob R., at 9:40 PM  

  • As a CBC writer, I am duty bound to dance with them that brung me. As there is no other place where I can make so much money doing so little, I must support the Liberal party and their new leader, Ignatius Jacques Reilly. He is a brilliant man and will transform this nation to new levels of Liberal center-ism.
    (ps. Please keep me in mind for the next junket down to the Caribbean or somewhere warm)

    By Anonymous Don Burroughs, at 9:58 PM  

  • In my younger days living in Toronto, I was an avid supporter of the Liberal Party of Canada. Then Pierre Trudeau introduced the National Energy Program, a program that Ignatieff has said he plans to re-instate. It was around this time that I moved to Alberta and changed my allegiance to the Progressive Conservatives. However, Mulroney's poor fiscal policy left me disillusioned within the year, and I decided I just hadn't gone far enough to the right yet. I dabbled in fascism for a bit before joining the (unfortunately) slightly more left-leaning Reform Party in 1987. I was elected to Parliament in 1993, and during my first term in Parliament, I fought hard for the interests of small mom and pop business in my riding of Calgary West, including my former employer Imperial Oil. Since then, I have fought hard to bring morality and family values to the forefront, in a time where the Liberals have borne upon our country their sinful and corrupt ways. When you go to the polls on May 2nd, remember, my name is Stephen Harper.

    By Anonymous Steve Harper, at 10:14 PM  

  • Steve again. Just wanted to drop my email in here so you can contact me about that referral.

    By Anonymous Steve Harper, at 10:16 PM  

  • Ten things you don’t know about Steve Harper, the leader of Canada’s “Corporate Party”:

    1. Harper’s an Evangelist (i.e. a Holy Roller, but he doesn’t believe in it, it’s just for show, it’s actually just a front for “corporate interests”)
    2. He's getting divorced (check out his website, all pics of Harper and Laureen together have been removed; note I don’t care they broke up, I care how he lies about it for two years)
    2. His personal assistant Ray Novak used to live in Harper’s backyard above the garage; what wife would put up with THAT?
    3. Member of the fundamentalist Christian Alliance Church (they don't like gay people)
    4. Member of the Northern Foundation (I think they don't like black people)
    5. Member of the Calgary School of Political Science (they don’t like science)
    6. Leader of the Reforma/Alliance Party (they don't like women)
    7. Former Head of the National Citizens Coalition (they want to kill our national health care)
    8. Supporter of The Canadian Taxpayers Federation (AstroTurfers who want to kill Canada’s social safety net while running a pyramid scheme cheating taxpayers out of revenue from wealthy corporate donors)
    8. He’s not a real Red Tory Conservative; he’s a Reforma Alliance CRAP Party thing
    9. His grandfather (Harper’s family is from Moncton, New Brunswick) either offed himself after becoming mentally ill or ran off with a woman, the truth is never talked about for some reason
    10. The asthmatic Harper wears a $3,000 weave on top of his head (he's obsessed with his own image and has a special salt & pepper one for elections, brown other times)
    11. Steve hates to travel and didn’t get a passport until he could travel at the public’s expense
    12. Steve hates being a politician, is uncomfortable in groups, really dislikes glad-handing
    13. Steve Harper was president of his high school's Young Liberals Club at Richview in Toronto; he also appeared on Reach for the Top t.v. program. Harper is not dumb, he just works for the interests of rich corporations / big business instead of for you
    14. Spends every second of every waking moment plotting his scorched earth policy against Canada’s Natural Governing Party, The Liberals

    Shouldn’t Steve Harper be working on other things? Like help for struggling families.

    - Canadians Rallying to Unseat Steve Harper
    Multi-Partisan Discussion Group of 57,800+ People

    Scary verified quotes from Steve Harper re killing Canada's Health Care:

    By Blogger Nadine Lumley, at 10:19 PM  

  • Nadine Lumley, thank you for your so eloquently worded, yet completely incorrect points.

    I do have a point of my own to make though. AdScam...

    By Anonymous Steve Harper, at 10:38 PM  

  • Michael Ignatieff promises not to enter into a coalition with the Bloc. However, the Bloc is devoted to the destruction of the country, and Michael Ignatieff publicly identifies himself as a proud American and a supporter of manifest destiny.

    Further, if the Liberals don't want to cook up some sort of coalition with a Quebec-based party, why did they spend so much money during the sponsorship scandal?

    Michael Ignatieff promises not to enter into a coalition with the NDP. Yet, he proudly identifies himself as a "tax and spend Liberal." That sounds exactly like the kind of man who would offer the post of finance minister to Jack Layton - something Ignatieff did the last time he tried to bring a coalition into power.

    As a lifelong Liberal, these trends disturb me greatly. I think it's time to stand up for Canada. We didn't need another election to distract from the economic recovery. Nobody wants one, except Michael Ignatieff and his coalition partners, who view it as their chance to subvert democracy and seize power from the duly elected government.

    We don't need another sponsorship scandal. We don't need another billion dollar gun registry boondoggle. We don't need a government with an Iraq War apologist like Ignatieff propped up by men like Gilles Duceppe (who wants to destroy the country) and Jack Layton (who was a communist in his youth). We don't need Russian communist values, like those handed down to Ignatieff by his father, determining what happens to the tax dollars of hard working Canadians.

    The only way to stop it is with a Harper majority. Now that's a five year plan.

    By Anonymous So, I Don't actually Believe The Following:, at 10:56 PM  

  • Although I, the Czar of Russia, have been dead for a very long time, I just had to write in my complete support for Count Ignatieff. His grandfather and father have been invaluable in my government and, although Little Skippy Iggy has been a little slow getting going, I always knew he would rule a kingdom with an iron fist. We were very worried about him when he lived in Brittan but he clearly shook off their pansy ways and learned something from President George Bush. although Canada is a small and weak country, it still has plenty of room to grow, and for gulags too.
    Go Count Iggy.. Make your uncle Nicolas proud.

    By Anonymous Nicholas II of Russia., at 11:16 PM  

  • Geez Calgary Grit, you're such a Liberal shill. You can criticize Harper once the Lieberals have paid back all the Adscam money they stole from taxpayers.

    By Blogger calgarygrit, at 12:18 AM  

    You know me I never right anything >to anyone
    >except when i send notes on
    >Farmville so yuou know this is >from the heart and totallty >totally the facts and truthful >too, because now that ignatious >guy has really got me hoping >mad!!!!! As the mother of 14
    > Canadian Armed Forces personnel (and who are fighting for OUR >FREEDOMS in Afghanistan.....
    > YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME WHEN I >TELL YOU HOW MUCH THAT IGNAITIF >IS PLANNNING TO BURN US ALL IN >HELL!!!! So that's all except >there's just one more thing, as >you can see he is really evil and >bad for Canada at the same time >and love the separatest bloc >quebequois (I call them the blechh quebecois and no capitals either) who will rape us all
    >and kill

    >your pets because they arent communiest
    >french enough.

    >I think that it is wonderful that >we can vote for Stephen Harper >and think about him ascending to >Heaven after Easter time (just >like the Lord Jesus) and if you >think like me you can send some >money to the Bank of the Sweet >Little Baby Jesus bank account >for Stephen Harper. Then they can >stop the baby-killing >faggot-lover dope-headed kitten >killers who hate everything about >Canada and my boys are fighting >for in Afghanistan.

    >PS oh And they want to take >Christmas away and make it for >dirty Muslims to blow us all up.
    >THank you and don

    By Blogger Scott in Montreal, at 1:16 AM  

  • Where's Michael HUSSEIN Ignatieff's birth certificate? I hear he's a secret-Russian (Michael does sound a lot like Mikhail).

    - Donald Trump

    By Blogger Hassan, at 8:15 AM  

  • Weird. Are conservatives that dumb, or anti-conservative frame artists that clever?

    Even if it's the latter, it only works because of the former - if there weren't so many right-wing trolls, the gambit wouldn't be credible.

    By Blogger Robert Vollman, at 9:22 PM  

  • I was a very very proud liberal when I lived in Alberta and True-dough passed the NEP! Yes we needed to donate more money to Quebec and those sniveling maritimer's. I was still a proud liberal when Creature-en gave the rest of Canada's money in a river to poor Quebec. So you can believe me when I tell you vote stevo, I've changed because Iggy is down right evil he is an American spy seeking to subvert Canada. He worked for the extra evil George Bush, you have to be afraid of him.

    By Blogger sharon, at 9:56 PM  

  • By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:58 PM  

  • By Blogger John, at 6:53 AM  

  • By Blogger 柯云, at 7:56 PM  

  • By Blogger Gege Dai, at 3:02 AM  

  • By Blogger 柯云, at 1:39 AM  

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