Monday, February 26, 2007

Night at the Oscars

While politics are always in play at the Academy Awards, it seems political movies are usually confined to the documentary category. So I thought I'd take a moment to honour some of the best political movies from the past year.


Conspiracy Theory: Do the Liberals disapprove of anti-terror legislation because of a fear civil liberties will be trampled upon? Not according to the maverick protagonist of this suspense thriller who believes Liberals oppose the renewal because the father in law of one of their MPs has been called as a witness to the Air India investigation. What information does this witness have that the Liberals so desperately want to keep hidden? Does he know of a massive government fluoridation scheme which has been used to control the minds of Canadians during the “dark decade”? Is Herb Grey really an alien? Stephen Harper is determined to find out.

Sleepless in Budapest: A dashing candidate lives through many sleepless nights during his Hungarian vacation, leading to an on-again/off-again love affair with the Canadian media. You’ll laugh along during this film which begins as adventure, turns into comedy, and ends in tragedy.

Failure to Launch: The story of Jim Dinning’s leadership bid.

The Comedian: Several politicians try their hand at stand-up comedy, to varying degrees of success. Chuckle as Peter McKay and Ralph Klein toss out their best Belinda Stronach jokes. Cringe as John Kerry accidentally implies soldiers are stupid and Stephane Dion calls Stephen Harper fat. You may not find all these jokes funny but we all know Colin Mayes will.

Four Endorsements and a Funeral: A young and charismatic MP arrives in Ottawa and vows to make an impact. Over the course of four years, he endorses Jim Prentice, the CPC merger, Bob Rae, and Michael Ignatieff. As for the funeral? His political career.

The DaVinci Code: Lester B. Pearson’s Nobel prize is missing. Can the code be cracked to find it? Does the Liberal mole know the secret?

Stranger than Fiction: 18 individuals in the Stephen Harper Cabinet find out that they are not really living their own lives; everything they say or do is being narrated to them by Stephen Harper.

The Grudge 2: Separatists and westerners revisit their hatred of the Trudeau name when Justin announces his candidacy.

Thank You for Smoking: This critically acclaimed movie takes a behind the scenes look at Barack Obama's Presidential bid.

Mission Impossible III: Stephen Harper replaces Paul Martin in the lead role as the Prime Minister searching for an elusive majority government. Floor crossers, flip-flops, Quebec as a nation – nothing is over the line as Harper tries to get to the magical 155 seat total.

The Devil Wears Prada: This film marks the debut of young director Peter MacKay, in a screenplay he wrote about his ex-girlfriend.

Snake on a Plane: In this action adventure, Ralph Klein jets around the province of Alberta on the taxpayer's dime.

An Inconvenient Truth: This glorified Stephen Harper power point presentation demonstrates how there is no way Canada can possibly meet its Kyoto targets.

V for Volpe: Last summer's blockbuster hit was described by the Frog Lady as follows:

Mocked by the media...
Reviled by his party...
Abandoned by his campaign manager...

The only verdict is vengeance. Vengeance against the vomitorium of the vapidly virtuous. Vengeance against the vandals who vex the vacillations of a vagarious and vacant veteran.

The time has come for a vicious vendetta against the vox populi and the vociferating vilifiers of vice.

The time has come for V for Volpe!

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12 Comments:

  • The Da Vinci Code reference was so funny! But I'm still waiting for the funeral of Scott Brison... His job right now is just as good as Bob Rae.

    By Blogger Léo Bourdon, at 4:15 AM  

  • Hey now, you forgot a bunch!

    Lost in Translation:

    A fifty-something francophone professor wins the leadership of Canada's natural governing party, but his poor command of english makes his task of winning the hearts and minds of voters a seemingly impossible task. Does he sign up for a Dale Carnegie mini-course or will he let his suave and sophisticated deputy leader do the talking for him?

    I Confess:

    Eddie Goldenberg is a longtime Liberal operative and confident of Canada's winningest Prime Minister. Just as the environment emerges as an issue that can conceivably get his party re-elected, Eddie torpedoes the parties newly minted leader and Kyoto booster by announcing that Liberals went ahead with the Kyoto Protocol on climate change even though they knew there was a good chance Canada wouldn't meet its goals for pollution reduction.

    Butterflies are Free:

    A whimsical journey into Jack Layton's brain where all the colours of the rainbow are orange and forming an NDP government is just a simple matter of attacking big business, banks and evil corporations who employ hundreds of thousands of Canadians.

    By Blogger Sean Cummings, at 6:10 AM  

  • Okay, this was great, but - Stranger Than Fiction was a knock-out.

    Truly impressive comedy from a political pundit - I'm wowed.

    Wowza!

    By Blogger Jason Bo Green, at 7:36 AM  

  • "Over the course of four years, he endorses Jim Prentice, the CPC merger, Bob Rae, and Michael Ignatieff."

    I can't think of anyone who is better than 2 for 4. Are you talking about Scott Brison, and have a little more info than I do?

    By Blogger Robert Vollman, at 10:44 AM  

  • Little Miss Sunshine
    Stephane Dion drives a little green VW Van with no clutch to Montreal to enter a beauty paegent.
    Up against the bushy eyebrows of Iggy and the bountiful bare bottom of Bob Rae, he overcomes long odds with the help of his little diog Kyoto.
    Dion then loads the dead body of the Liberal Party into the back of the VW and drives to Ottawa where he shoots his next movie 'Babble'... er... 'Babel'.

    My second favourite movie of the year is
    The Deported
    Where Marlene Jennings dreams she is not a Canadian and gets her arse kicked out of Canada.


    Coming soon from RCMP Studios...
    Looking for Mr. Goodale

    By Blogger molarmauler, at 10:47 AM  

  • Don't forget these films:

    Frankie and Johnny-McKenna and Manley plot to recapture the Liberal party from the looney left.

    Tequila Sunrise-Hilarity ensues when John Crosbie and Sheila Copps wake up together in a Mexican hotel room.

    For the Boys-Kiddie porn advocate Robin Sharpe is giddy with delight when the Liberals give him a grant from the Canadian Heritage Department.

    Other Peoples Money-The Liberals find funding for party from Quebec advertising agencies.

    The Italian Job-Angelo Persichilli defends Joe Volpe's honour.

    By Blogger nuna d. above, at 11:36 AM  

  • this one:

    "Eddie Goldenberg is a longtime Liberal operative and confident of Canada's winningest Prime Minister. Just as the environment emerges as an issue that can conceivably get his party re-elected, Eddie torpedoes the parties newly minted leader and Kyoto booster by announcing that Liberals went ahead with the Kyoto Protocol on climate change even though they knew there was a good chance Canada wouldn't meet its goals for pollution reduction"

    should be titled

    "Lies my Boss Told to Get Elected"

    By Blogger Fred :), at 12:39 PM  

  • I think that I can help you out here.

    Of course Herb Gray was an alien. Most people born in Windsor are, didn't you know that? You don't think that those big glasses that he wore were real glasses, do you? Recently-opened papers disclose that Herb's were cleverly-disguised microwave receptors to control his every action and vote. And, I mean, just look at him. Doesn't he look like an alien?

    And it wasn't the fluorination scheme that was the big tip-off. Not even close. No, it was his plan as Liberal Minister responsible for the Millennium Bureau of Canada, to enslave Canada by turning the clocks back to the fourth century at midnight on December 31, 1999.

    But that plot was thwarted by the Competition Bureau who insisted that competing bids from other centuries had to be sought. As we all know, the 21st century won out in the end and all is well today. Close call. Now, if Iran would only stop trying to drag the whole world back to that century ...

    Oh, and your Snake on a Plane call? Think that you are wrong there, and that it was Paul Martin that was cast as the leading actor on that crappy campaign plane. That was the one that kept breaking down, like his campaign, right?

    Not bad, ex-Bart. Good clean fun for all. The Volpe bit is great.

    By Blogger Erik Sorenson, at 2:49 PM  

  • CG<

    You're such a funny guy, its hard to believe you're not a Conservative. Is it really because you're fuzzy on how economics works? :)

    Note 1: Molar Mauler, as usual, is off-the-cuff hilarious.

    Note 2: Once, in response to, if Stephen Harper were a wine, what kind would he be, Molar Mauler answered:

    Cabinet Savvy-non.

    (this was during the Emerson fiasco).

    Tell that's not gold, jerry, gold.

    By Blogger Chuckercanuck, at 3:00 PM  

  • Fistfull of Dollars,For A few Dollars More & The Good,The Bad And The Ugly.The Chretian Trilogy.

    The Green Giant starring Stephone Dion.Lassie played by Iggy.Sobriety Hurts by John Manley.

    By Blogger greyburr, at 4:12 PM  

  • I can't think of anyone who is better than 2 for 4. Are you talking about Scott Brison, and have a little more info than I do?

    Brison endorsed Prentice at the 2003 PC leadership convention. He voted in favour of the CA-PC merger, then joined the Liberals a few days later. At the recent Liberal leadership convention, he endorsed Rae, and when Rae was eliminated, he endorsed Ignatieff.

    By Blogger The Invisible Hand, at 4:20 PM  

  • Inquiring minds want to know, CG:

    should Iggy be muzzled a la Hannibal Lecter? If the Dionistas leave him loose, will he gobble them up with fava beans and a nice chianti?

    By Blogger Chuckercanuck, at 8:47 PM  

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