Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Sky Is Falling

CALGARY: With Same Sex Marriage now legal for two days, Canadian society is feeling the full effects of this profound change. Already, preliminary reports show a large spike in gayness across the country.

“I had been on the fence for quite some time,” said one Red Deer man. “I’d stayed heterosexual because I wanted to get married but once that incentive was gone, I decided to become gay.”

Yes, as many conservative pundits feared, without the blissful nagging, fighting, and infrequent sex marriage has to offer as an incentive to stay straight, Canadians have abandoned the heterosexual lifestyle in droves.

More alarming still are the number of heterosexual marriages that have fallen apart in the 48 hours since Same Sex Marriage was legalized. “I do love my wife, but ever since C-38 became law, our marriage has been in shambles.” said one Calgary resident. “The stress of knowing that man on man monogamy exists in this country is just too much to handle.”

The new law has also made it difficult for many religions. “I’ve noticed a drop in the morality of our members.” claimed one Calgary area Bishop who refused to identify himself. “Our members just don’t know why they shouldn’t be allowed to sin when the government has condoned this sinful lifestyle. I mean, how can I really say that it’s wrong to steal, murder and commit adultery when it’s now perfectly legal for everyone who loves each other to marry? And, to be perfectly honest, it’s a little emasculating for the Church to not be able to prevent people who are not of our faith from marrying in civil ceremonies.”

With moral chaos now reigning across Canada and society crumbling around us, there has also been a dramatic rise in separatism in Quebec with recent polls showing 86% of Quebeckers wanting to leave due to this new moral bankruptcy. This has left many Canadians wishing they had heeded Stephen Harper’s warning about the separatist plot to legalize gay marriage.

19 Comments:

  • Heh - nice. Injecting humour into the situation is much needed. Awesoe job, CG.

    By Blogger Andrew, at 12:16 p.m.  

  • And no less than 48 hours later, aftershocks of this massive event were being felt around the world. A veritable domino effect will surely follow, dealing, as Monte says, the death blow to marriage.

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20050630.wspain0630/BNStory/International/

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:15 p.m.  

  • I suppose, if you were a bible-thumping, right-wing conservative, you'd have to believe that it was "God's Will"... perhaps He IS on the side of the Liberals after all.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:58 p.m.  

  • Hilarious CG. Nicely done.

    By Blogger Mike, at 2:24 p.m.  

  • I heard oil prices fell at dramatic rates as well.

    "Gay marriage is the new NEP!" said a certain Calgary area Tory MLA with leadership aspirations... :P

    By Blogger daveberta, at 3:28 p.m.  

  • Bless you, CG. :-)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:41 p.m.  

  • Brilliant -- truly brilliant. Merci!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:18 p.m.  

  • Wonderful! Why aren't there more people like you, speaking out at the ridiculous ideas floating around out there?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:19 a.m.  

  • Wonderful! Why aren't there more people like you, speaking out at the ridiculous ideas floating around out there?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:20 a.m.  

  • Rome didn't fall in a day.

    By Blogger The Sanity Inspector, at 9:55 p.m.  

  • You have made your point well. The legislation is on its way to being passed and as a CPC supporter I, for one, believe it is time to move on. The CPC would be wrong to challenge it.

    That being said, I still believe that the better solution to this divisive issue was closer to what the CPC position should have been (as opposed to what it was).

    The core of the issue for government is benefits and entitlements. This is best handled by a civil union regime. Governments should pass laws that provide benefits and entitlements for those in civil unions for couples (heterosexual and gay).

    The question of marriage should then be left to churches or other similar bodies. This is not an issue for government to be involved in. Thus it would no longer be an issue of whether government recognized heterosexual or gay marriage.

    The Supreme Court seemed to agree with this approach, although the justices diod not say so, since that is not the question that was put to the court.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:12 p.m.  

  • Most people who are opposed to gay marriage realize that the effects of this decision will not be felt this week or maybe even this decade. The generations who grew up in the 80s and 90s have felt the effects of their parents decisions to abandon commitment, fidelity and maturity in their relationships.

    But as the years go on we will see even more broken homes, neglected children, lack of commitment and less and less responsibility on the part of parents and couples - whether they are gay or straight.

    I wonder how bad things will have to get before there is a turn around in how people behave and make decisions?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:13 p.m.  

  • You're right, I am more proud that a Canadian "marriage" can be two men or two women this year.

    All the children raised by these marriages will surely benefit by the lack of having parents from both sexes. It's worked for single parents, their children would always choose to have just one sex around, right?

    Too bad they never had a choice. Write this again in 20 years ok?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:44 p.m.  

  • Well done.

    I keep meaning to add you to my blog roll, but this latest burst of sheer brilliance has given me the needed incentive to actually do it.

    Your blog is a tremendously enjoyable delight.

    By Blogger Red Tory, at 9:45 p.m.  

  • Sheer brilliance? You guys definitely need a life.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:52 p.m.  

  • Hi calgarygrit i was just passing by reading blogs just getting the idea of how blogs should be anyways i got a site on Free mp3zz see if i am good to be a webmaster Sean and paul and mp3 and download and keep putting blogs like The Sky Is Falling with good content in future to :)bye

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:15 p.m.  

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  • Rafe Mair, bet basketball writing for The Tyee, pontificates on the inevitability of Quebec separatism in this muddled essay. He doesn’t start off well. Blames Trudeau for inflaming separatism and in the same breath notes that such blame is misplaced. He (mis-)identifies the source of sovereigntist sentiment with historical events: the nation resolution, the night of the long knives, sportsbook etc. In a startling display of historical revisionism, he castigates Mulroney for including separatists in the biggest political tent in Canadian history (would they be the same bete-noire if Charlottetown had passed?
    But at least I agree with Mair on one point: march madness support for Quebec sovereignty has increased markedly over the past couple decades. This has been correlated with a notable decrease in the pride of Quebecers (and Canadians generally) for Canada. In 1985, 80% of Canadians were ‘very proud’ to be Canadian. Today, it’s 61% and trending downwards.
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